


The Destiel Disasters

by CastielsCarma, Emblue_Sparks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Explicit Rating just in case we go there, Found under each chapter, M/M, in the beginning notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:08:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29223720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielsCarma/pseuds/CastielsCarma, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emblue_Sparks/pseuds/Emblue_Sparks
Summary: Authors CastielsCarma and Emblue-Sparks cordially invite you to their series of Pinterest vs Reality-esque scenarios in which Castiel and Dean attempt some of fandom's most popular sexual tropes/adventures and the inevitable disasters ensue.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 16
Kudos: 31





	1. A Drunk Disaster or The story of how Dean grew a bump

**Author's Note:**

> Emblue here! It's been a few months since the finale which shall be ignored. Figured now would be a good time to share with y'all an idea CastielsCarma and have I kicked around for quite a while. Hopefully, we're now in a place where we can appreciate a good laugh while enjoying the guys we love so much. 
> 
> We present to you the first of our blooper sex scenes we've come up which kept us laughing out loud because for better or for worse, sometimes others 'reality' can help us feel better about our own. Hope these bring a smile if not leaving you in fits and giggles. Major kudos and hugs to @amyoatmeal who made us the awesome banner for these short stories!!!! Our goal is to post once or twice a month, so be sure to subscribe for future fun!
> 
> CastielsCarma here: Hi lovelies.  
> As Emblue said, we have been thinking about this idea for a while, (even before the finale that shall not be named) and this story is basically sex bloopers. The chapters are to be read as stand-alones. If you have any requests send us an ask (castielscarma on Tumblr or @emblue-sparks). As always, I hope you enjoy! Be safe. Much love <3 Carma.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Sam and Jack have rescued Cas from the Empty. Dean is happy but he's hasn't been able to tell Cas the extent of his feelings. Still, the fear lingers, that if Dean tells him, the universe will manage to give Dean and Cas the middle finger, and take Cas away from him. So Dean is silent. Until he decides to face his fears, and do it anyway. He just needs a few beers first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags: Post 15x19, 15x19 divergent, we don't acknowledge 15x20, human!cas, minor angst, drunk Dean being a disaster, love confession, bed sharing.  
> Pairings/characters: Dean/Cas, Sam/Eileen, Jack.  
> Rating: GA
> 
> If I forgot any tags, let me know! Enjoy./CastielsCarma

Castiel, former angel of the Lord had been back from the Empty for two days but it felt like two fucking lifetimes. Cas' grace was left behind in that dark place and it was not the only thing that had stayed in the Empty. Apparently, Dean's ability to say anything substantial had evaporated. That's why Dean was sequestered in his bedroom, nursing glass number who-the-fuck-was-counting of whiskey.

It wasn't that he wasn't happy to have Cas back, he was over the fucking moon, and they had hugged and done the back-patting and eye-fucking, but when Dean took Cas aside to finally tell him that yes, he felt the same, his throat had locked up and he couldn't do it. Maybe Cas had meant the I love you platonically, maybe he only said it because he was dying. So Dean had left and promptly ignored the brief flash of pain in Cas' eyes.

Dean took another pull on the whiskey and grimaced as he swallowed, the burn way past pleasant. Or maybe Dean was afraid that if he said it back, something would happen and Cas would vanish again. Ache seized his heart at the thought and the fucked up thing was that he didn't know what was worse; him not saying anything or the thought that he'd say it back, only to lose Cas again.

Fuck that. Dean took another sip, trying to drown out the harrowing thought. What made things worse was that Cas had been so damn hopeful, it practically rolling off him in waves and here Dean was still with his fear of losing Cas, even when he was right in front of him.

Dean ground his jaws and exhaled harshly but that didn't do shit. Pulling out his phone, Dean googled. _How to say I love you back when afraid._ Christ, he was like a teenager, asking the damn internet for advice. Dean scrolled through the answers with his thumb until he saw something that caught his attention.

“ – _while others who imbibe copious amount of alcohol, do instead experience a lessening of inhibitions and their tongue being let loose,”_ Dean muttered under his breath. Perfect. Exactly what he needed. Maybe they specified how much alcohol was necessary. Dean clicked the link. _However much one deems fit._ Dean grinned. Better than perfect.

Dean had been kind of lax on the alcohol department so he snuck into Sam's room and grabbed six beers that he knew Sam kept in the mini-fridge. Just to be sure, he checked that they were OK and actually beer. He still remembered that Kombucha incident with a shudder.

Sneaking back to his room, he met Cas of all people in the hallway (maybe not so unlikely, they were just five of them).

“Dean, I haven't seen you... in a while. Do you want to play Scrabble? Jack is setting up a game.” Even in his human form, Cas was still badass at Scrabble.

Dean shook his head while concealing the beers behind his back. “Nah, Cas, it's cool. I'm good. Thank you. Crush them!” He turned slightly to the side and almost walked backwards to his room. He ignored the confused look in Cas' eyes.

Opening beer number one, Dean started drinking.

By beer number three, he was feeling fine.

When beer number five was done, Dean was A-OK.

It wasn't so much so that the room was spinning. Dean didn't think so at least, it was the Earth's rotation. That's what he was feeling. Fuck, Mother Earth was out for a drive this evening. All Dean could do was hold on.

He braced himself against a wall. Counting to three, he stood up. Equilibrium. Perfect. Dean checked the war room, the game room and the kitchen. Nada. Zilch.

“Cas!”

He got the distinct impression Cas was avoiding him. Why? He was hilarious to be with.

Dean ambled into the library and there he was, the apple in his eye. The apple of his eye. The apple pie! He honed in on those blue eyes and the amazing hair. “Cas, you're my apple pie.”

Sam frowned. Dean didn't know why.

He sat down in the available chair that happened to be next to his brother and glanced at the board game.

“Dean. Are you drunk?” Sam sounded serious, irritated and several other things that Dean couldn't analyze right now.

“No...I'm opening my-my... uh”, what did the lady say? “My channels.” He crossed his arms. At least he remembered that from the website.

Sam still sounded annoyed. “Your _channels_?”

Dean nodded. “Yup.” He looked at Cas who had a guarded expression on his face. “Cas.”

Cas frowned. “Dean. Are you... alright? You appear to be – “

“Fine. Whatcha doing?” He glanced down at Sam's tiles. “You can spell _doof_ with your tiles.”

Sam made a face and his forehead wrinkles moved, almost like they were waves.“Doof? You mean food?”

Dean grinned. “That's what I said.” He looked at Cas. How could he not? He blinked and noticed the figure next to him. “Jack!”

Jack waved. “Hello, Dean. Do you... do you want me to fix that?”

His smile seemed to cover his entire face. “Your teeth, Jack... They're perfect.” Dean looked at Cas. He was perfect. “Let me help you with one, it's fallen out.” Dean picked up a tile and held it near Jack's face. “Don't move.”

Cas rose abruptly from the chair. “I'll... help him to his room.”

Sam nodded. “Sure. Uh, thanks, Cas.”

Cas' arm in his was nice. It steadied him and the room didn't do the rumba. “Man, are we there yet, Cas?”

“Soon,” Cas groaned. “Can you lift your feet properly?”

Lift! Like Dean wasn't doing his part. “I'll lift you.” He stopped and wrapped his other arm around Cas' waist and pulled upwards. Now, Dean always appreciated Cas' physique but at that moment he wished that Cas wasn't quite so nicely built. “Cas, help me, will ya? Stand on your toes.”

Cas sighed. “I don't need to stand on my toes. Why are you trying to lift me, Dean?” He shook his head. “Never mind. You can't answer that. You're clearly too inebriated to make sense of your thoughts and actions right now.”

Dean dropped Cas suddenly. “Am not.” He decided to ignore Cas and walk ahead.

The sturdiness of the Bunker had to have deteriorated suddenly because Dean was in the air flying as his feet caught on something. He fell face forward and heard a sickening thud.

Dean closed his eyes against the pain. He thought he heard Cas shout his name but it could just as easily be his pulse beating between his ears. Blinking, he opened his eyes slowly but closed them again.

The world was spinning.

He felt strong hands pull him up. “I need to get off.”

Cas snorted. “You need to lay off – “ He sighed then. “You sure you're OK? Let me take a look at you.”

How could Dean deny him? He sounded so earnest. “I feel amazing.” Except the pulsating feeling in his forehead and the light that was harsh against his eyes. Slowly, he peeled his eyes open. He didn't miss Cas' alarmed expression.

“You have a bump.”

Dean did the finger guns towards Cas. “Sure do. A bump for you. Get it? Because I – “ He dropped his guns. “I'm fine, it's not like my brain is gonna leak out.”

“Oh, trust me, I'm not worried about your brain leaking out. That would be quite impossible. Cas grabbed him again. “Come along.”

Dean tried not to smile but the sheer proximity of Cas made him happy. If only the damn headache would go away.

“I need to... um... do something, Cas,” Dean started as they stumbled inside his room.

“Sleep.” Cas slowly eased him down on the bed. “I think you need to sleep. That's the usual remedy. You can also drink some – “

“I'm happy,” Dean muttered into the pillow. It was dark and nice and the sharp light was gone. He wished his headache would take a hint and do the same. Dean reached out and grabbed Cas' arm. “Cas... ask me why I'm happy.”

Cas cleared his throat. “That's your shirt you're grabbing.”

Dean dropped the shirt and stilled when he felt a pull at his feet. “Oh my god, Cas. Shh!”

Cas stilled. “What's wrong?”

Dean whispered. “Don't move. I don't wanna freak you out, but... _someone_ is stealing _my shoes._ ”

Cas sighed. “I'm stealing your shoes.”

“Don't worry about it, Cas. We'll get you a new pair of shoes if you want.”

Dean felt the bed dip as Cas sat down next to him. “The shoes I've been wearing I've realized are not that comfortable. Becoming human again has made me aware of different sensations that were simply not there when I was an angel. But I'm taking your shoes off for sleep, not stealing them. Here.”

Turning around, Dean took the glass of water Cas offered. He took a sip but it didn't help much against the dryness in his throat.

Dean cleared his throat.“Cas.”

“Sam said I should give you these.”

Dean didn't even look to see what it was, he just took the pills. Swallowing again, he bit his lip as he stared at Cas. Cas _loved_ him. A dull ache formed in his stomach. He wasn't sure if it was him being nervous or if he was getting sick. “Thanks,” he murmured against a swallow of water.

The room was still spinning.

Dean counted to three and blinked. “Cas.”

“Yes, Dean?” Cas stood there, looking at him earnestly.

“I – I need to tell you something, alright.” Dean reached out and put the glass down on the side table. A loud crash interrupted him. Looking to his left, Dean saw the broken shards on the floor.

“You missed,” Cas deadpanned.

Dean chuckled and mumbled apologetically. “I was sure the table was there...”

Cas reached out to touch Dean, then backed off. “I'll get a broom. Don't move.”

Dean fell back against the bed and rested his head against the pillow. Swiping a hand over his face, he winced. The damn bump was still there.

Cas came back with a broom in hand and started sweeping up the glass. He always cleaned up Dean's messes. “Cas!”

Seemingly alarmed, Cas stopped. “What's wrong?”

Dean dove for the broom handle. “Gimme that.” He might have miscalculated the distance from the bed to the broom handle. He landed in a crumpled heap on top of Cas and whacked his head again on the handle.

Cas glared at him. “You should follow directives. You're drunk, Dean. You're in no position to be flinging yourself off beds. Now, if I was an angel I could've healed you,” Cas spoke quieter, “but I'm not. Not anymore. So stay in bed and sleep this off. I know it's been – rough these past days, with... your visit to the Empty, so go to bed. You'll feel much better in the morning.”

Cas moved under him but Dean stayed put. He wanted to say something profound but he just had to get one thought out of his head that wouldn't leave him. “You know what rhymes with broom?”

“A lot of things.”

“Groom.”

Cas squinted. “Yes, you're correct. It seems you have some cognitive functions left.” He made a motion to move again but Dean placed a hand on Cas' chest.

“Will you let me speak, damn you?” Dean didn't sound angry though, just determined. “I've been avoiding you.”

Cas nodded and that insecure look was back on his face. Dean hated it.

“I've noticed,” Cas said.

“Cas, Cas... listen. Listen to me.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Yes?”

“I just wanted to say... Y yo a ti, Cas.” Dean had no idea why it came to him in Spanish, but he was still drunk and figured he'd just go with the flow.

“You what me too? I'm sorry, Dean, you're not making any sense right now.”

A subtle movement underneath Dean as Cas moved, sent his thoughts flying. He was straddling Cas. _Straddling_ him. “Yeehaw...” Dean whispered under his breath and grinned.

Cas' stare brought him back. Right. This was supposed to be serious. He was serious dammit!

“Uh, right, not in Spanish.” Dean let out a loud sigh. This was not easier just because he was drunk. The internet had been wrong.

“Dean? Maybe your bump is more serious than I thought. Do you think you have a concussion?”

Time to grab the bull by the horns. “Cas. I'm sorry, alright. Sorry for avoiding you... I should've said something.”

Cas stilled beneath him. “What are you talking about?”

Dean spread out his hand over Cas' chest and couldn't help it; he rolled his eyes. “This is me being love or whatever, alright? Before you... got taken to the Empty – and trust me I don't like thinking about that day – the things you said to me. I get it. And...” His gaze flickered to Cas' eyes.

Hope burned there, almost drowning out the fear.

“Me too, Cas.” There was a beat where he thought he was going to throw up. “I love you too.”

There it was, out in the world. He was supposed to feel better and he did but his headache was still there. He looked at Cas who was yet to move, but his eyes were wide.

“You... love me?” It was barely a whisper.

“Too,” Dean finished. “I couldn't say it back when... you know, you died. And then we got you back, all I could think about was the possibility of losing you again, and – “

“You love me?” Cas repeated and Dean could see the light in his eyes.

“Fuck. I didn't want to make you cry...” A wave of nausea swept over him but Cas' hands were on his waist, steadying him. “Yeah, I love you.” He smiled and the whole world seemed lighter.

Cas wasted no time. He leaned in and caught Dean in a searing kiss. He was pretty sure that neurons actually exploded inside him. He forgot how to breathe momentarily but Cas was all around him, the taste of him, the warmth and the feeling of his lips, and that was enough.

They broke off, breathless like a couple of damn teenagers. Cas' cheeks were colored red, and Dean couldn't help but laugh. “It suits you, being breathless like this. You're fucking beautiful, Cas.”

“This is almost too much...”

“You can have me,” Dean said softly. “You _do_ have me.” He stilled and got off of Cas. “I need to lay down. Or puke. I'm not sure. I think I might have two bumps now.”

“Walls and brooms are formidable enemies.”

Dean laughed. “That's one way of putting it.” He lay down in his bed and sighed. It was tiresome being drunk. “Cas...”

“Yes, Dean?”

And Dean didn't know if he imagined it or if Cas' voice seemed warmer now that he knew too. Was it always going to be like this, every moment soft like Dean's heart had turned into a goddamn marshmallow or something?

“Will you stay? I have a bump, might be dangerous...”

“Dangerous how?”  
  


"I can pass out or something.”

Cas smiled. “Some would suggest that would be an improvement from your current state.”

Dean glared at Cas but it broke into a smile as he looked at him. He was still smiling and looking at him as if Dean had hung the damn moon. He lifted his covers in silent invitation.

Cas nodded and toed off his shoes before joining Dean. He walked over Dean though and settled at his back.

Pulling at the covers, Dean finally placed them over both of them. “Why the acrobatics?”

“I don't have much experience with this,” Cas began as he snaked an arm around Dean, “but I do think I favor being the big spoon.”

The thrill of being so close to Cas was electrifying; his arm over him both an anchor securing Dean and a damn match causing his entire body burst out into flames. “I'm out of spoons to give Cas. You can be the little spoon, the big spoon, a damn fork if you want. Just... stay.”

Cas pulled him in close. “I'm not leaving you.”

“Mm, you better not.” Dean mumbled before falling asleep.


	2. Wing Kink Gone Wrong-Or How Cas Fell Out of Love with Peanut Butter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dean finds himself in the shower with a traumatized angel boyfriend and a jar of Skippy chunky peanut butter. He blames A03 entirely…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags: canonverse, no specific time in particular, but post love confession,, Cas wants to try wing kinks, massage goes unexpected, wrong oil Dean!, Dean shower whump, comfort hand job, not giving up

"Sam's left an excessive amount of windows open again on the library laptop," Cas softly complained as he began exiting out of several ads, articles, and local homicide reports.

Dean took another sip of beer and rolled his eyes, "And he claims it's our hillbilly wifi slowing it down."

He noticed the telltale expression of curiosity spreading across the angel's face as a pop up ad for who-knows-what had likely flashed on the screen.

"What's A03? Hmm…"

"Hell if I know. Probably some link to another boring Christian Reformation podcast."

"What's..who's Destiel?"

Dean's last gulp of beer exited his mouth in a panicked spray. "Dammit. Sorry lemme get a towel, ya know I'm just...ha ha... gonna just uh..take this to the kitchen to wipe off..make sure I'm thorou-"

"No wait, it's only on the outside, what are pairings? And what does 'porn without plot'  
mean?"

"Gi-gi-justgimmethatalright?" Dean was swiping for the laptop but Cas continued keeping it just out of reach, while giving him the squinty eyes of confusion.

"Dean, why are you such a needy bottom? I have to know. Tell me or you're getting cut off."

"Cut off, from what?" Dean questioned in offended incredulity.

With a single pop of his eyebrow, Cas lowered his voice to employ his demanding tone with him.

"My dick."

Dean gulped. That did it. He'd been touched starved and Cas crazed for so many years, all it took was the threat of no Cas nookie to keep him in line. Damn it.

"It's fan fiction of Chuck's books. Fans write all kinds of stories about the show, about us. They make us...do things. They draw us..doing things. Satisfied?"

"On the contrary. What's a wing kink and why haven't we tried it?" Castiel seemed almost offended.

"I don't read Chuck's crap, how should I know. And why would I wanna read fiction of that shit show he wrote for us?"

Cas sighed. "That doesn't answer my question, Dean."

"Told ya, I dunno. You wanna know, you read it yourself."

Cas insisted,"You read it with me."

"Nuh-huh."

"You said you wanted to do more things together. Were you being insincere when you said that?"

Dean didn't like how that made him feel, he loved being with Cas. Loved knowing he was with them all the time, even if in another room or making coffee. He loved Cas home with him.

"I watch your movies and ask you questions and enjoy seeing you overly excitable even when it's not a movie or show I have particular interest in."

It was the truth, Dean had to admit. Reluctantly, he placated Cas. "Fine, but you read it to me. I'm not wasting my precious peepers with screen time on that stuff."

"Very well. This sounds like content more appropriate for reading when we're alone in our room. I'm looking forward to it."

_Later that evening in bed…_

"Some fans are under the impression my wings are always corporeal," Cas mentioned disapprovingly while on his belly reading the laptop.

Dean was perched on his ass, giving him a back rub, and listening, kind of. "That would be inconvenient and a major pain in the persqueeter."

"I concur. And..what? I do not have 'oil leaking from my feathers when highly aroused by your endless forests of green,' " he fussed.

Dean smirked to himself and snarked, "Nope. But my endless forests have seen your wood leak when highly aroused."

That elicited a chuckle from Cas. "That's far more accurate, yes. But this back rub feels good, can you do some deep tissue massage around my shoulder blades?"

Dean readily obliged, and the surprising moan from Cas under his skilled fingers has his curiosity insanely piqued.

"Cas, have you ever had a wing massage?"

"No. Angels don't usually touch each other's wings unless wounded and in need of healing," he murmured, scrolling through more entries on the page.

"You ever wanna try it? Dean offered, interested in what it would look and feel like.

"....I..could.."

"C'mon then, show me watcha got!" Dean rubbed his hands together excitedly.

"Get off."

"That's kinda the point Cas. I'm gonna try, but you've gotta communicate to me what works and what doesn't."

"I mean get off of me. I can't unfold them with you sitting on my back. And here, set the laptop on your desk so it doesn't get knocked over."

Doing as he was told, Dean’s heart was thundering in his chest. He hadn't seen Cas's wings since the fateful night they'd met and he was terrified, the only thing he remembered was their sheer size. He knew it was coincidence, yet he couldn't help correlating Cas's wing span with how he was packing in the dick department. Both man and angel were heavily endowed, and he was now the lucky sonuvabitch recipient who got to enjoy such blessings. Anyhoo…

Two shadows crept out from behind Cas as he lay on their bed. As they continued to unfurl, Dean watched in awe as he was reminded how incredible his lover's true form really was. They began to shift from shadowy forms to sleek charcoal feathers which had a faint iridescent emerald sheen to them. Dean was mesmerized by their beauty.

"You may resume any time, Dean" he heard Cas issue softly.

Dean was in such awe, he forgot that they didn't have any massage oil. But canola should work fine, right?

"Be right back, gonna grab something," he issued and darted into the kitchen.

When he settled back comfortably on Cas's butt, he unscrewed the canola cap and poured some on his hands. Then Dean began smoothing his hands across Cas's inner trapezius muscles near his spine. He watched as the enormous wings began to relax, despite not having the space to complete outstretched to their fullest. They were beautiful and he was sorry that only now had he paid enough attention to Cas's angelic anatomy.

The iridescent sheen was so lovely and moved differently in the light than on any natural surface. Well, it was natural to Cas, but the way it seemed to follow his movements was a visual echo of itself and so tremendous that it nearly moved Dean to tears. Before he completely thought it through, he poured more oil onto his hands and worked it into Cas's axillary feathers on his left side.

"Oooh. that's quite pleasant..sorry," Cas moaned and apologized as his left wing involuntarily extended, knocking over the lamp from the nightstand.

Dean likened it to a dog's leg twitching when getting just the right spot and beamed with pride. So he resumed his ministrations, moving to the secondary and covert regions of Cas's wing.

A sigh escaped Cas's lips and Dean was maniacally grinning to no one in particular, levitating with glee at this discovery. Maybe not all fans were creepy, ridiculous fan girls and boys. Some obviously had damn fine imaginations and he decided to later pillage this A03 site for more ideas.

"That doing it for ya? You like that?" he prompted Cas, open to any and all direction he'd offer.

Cas replied, "I'm not sexually aroused, but it's more wonderful than I ever expected and uuuh..the pleasure is equal to foreplay, so by all means, feel free t-t-tto continue."

Dean would absolutely take that. Although sex with Cas had an entirely separate and special place in his heart, he adored making him happy and feeling good in every way possible. He prided himself on taking care of him every bit as much as Cas cared for him.

He poured more oil on his hands and moved on to the lesser coverts which had him standing by the side of the bed to reach them and get the right angle to apply adequate pressure. Until that moment, Cas has been facing right, with his head resting on his hands.

"What's that odor, Dean?"

" 's oil Cas. You said you don't secrete oil when aroused but I figured either way it's good to have-"

Cas whipped his head around so fast. "What the fuck is that?! My feathers feel all soggy now! I -this is gross...I don't like it. I want it off now."

His eyes were feral and Dean could tell he was truly squicked out. "I'm sorry, relax. Let's get in the shower and I'll rinse it off okay?"

"It feels awful, like somethings crawling on them!" Cas was flinging his wings about like Dean had seen birds do when taking a bath only they were knocking shit off the shelves and night stands with crashes and booms. He shuddered at the sound of electronic devices hitting the floor and heavy things like Purgatory pig sticks crashing down on top of them.

"Would you calm down! It's oil, not fire Cas! Guess this definitively answers my question about combining wing and cum kinks.."

Cas's eyes were blazing neon blue in the most supreme expression of irritation and panic that Dean had ever seen. He didn't know whether he should slap the shit out of him like some hysterical southern belle or get on his knees and beg forgiveness.

"You ever considered a begging kink?" That flew out his mouth before he could reel himself in and he was ready to slap the shit outta himself based on the pitiful demeanor with which Cas was now cringing.

"Alright, alright, alright! I'm gonna shut up now. Bad timing, sorry."

He gets Cas up and off the bed, his desk lamp and the small TV are casualties of this endeavor but at this point he'll do anything to calm Cas down so he stops knocking shit over and breaking it. At least in the hallway there was nothing to break. Dean quickly cleared the bathroom counters before bringing Cas under the hot spray he'd turned on. Noticing the right wing was completely absent from its corporeal state, he internally slumped in defeat as he interpreted it as Cas feeling like he wasn't going to let Dean dare get a hold of another wing to besmerch.

Cas was shivering, yet it wasn't from the temperature, but legit trauma or something. The wing Dean could touch was managing fine under the water so it couldn't be that it was scalding him. But now Dean was in a panic because no matter what he did, the damn oil had soaked into Cas's feathers and would not come out. It was just like the time he tried putting baby oil in his own hair cause some chick at a high school he'd attended said it was supposed to make hair super soft and that shit took days to come out.

Peanut butter! Dean had been in line at the market one day and overheard one mom saying to another whose daughter had gum stuck in her hair, that peanut butter got anything out. He recalled they still had one more container of Skippy chunky peanut butter from Costco in the pantry.

"Cas I gotta go grab something real quick, I'll be right back!"

He heard Cas mumble something that didn't sound like "No don't leave me," so he wrapped a town around his waist and scurried out of the bathroom and down the hall past the kitchen.

"Dean? Everything alright?" Sam asked while sounding like he and Eileen were putting some groceries away.

"Yeah, getting some peanut butter to remove canola outta Cas's wings…"

Elleen must've asked something because while Dean was rifling through cans of pie filling for the Skippy jar he heard Sam explaining, "Some kind of kinky stuff we don't wanna know about."

Dean let that go because Cas's situation was a little more important than defending an all too accurate passive-aggressive jab at the moment. He ran back into the bathroom, whipped off his towel before hopping back in with the peanut butter, hoping Cas didn't notice it tucked under his arm. This could go one of two ways; the peanut butter works, it might squick Cas out more but only briefly and would restore domestic calm. Or it might squick Cas out so much he'd have to buy stock in Sylvania industrial light bulbs from the amount that could burst from his pissbaby screeching.

Here goes nothing.

While Cas had his back still turned to him, he unscrewed the cap and scooped out a palm sized amount with his fingers. He figured he'd start with the oil stained feathers furthest out and work his way in. And yet, the instant he smeared the goopy stuff on Cas's secondary coverts, his wing extended on reflex right between his legs.

The junk shot had him dropping the extra large plastic tub on his foot and shouting, "Fuck! Goddammit Cas!"

Cas whirled around, his wing knocking Dean over. Dean's ass landed right on the tub of peanut butter cracking it wide open and some of the containers plastic embedded in his ass.

"What are you putting on me n-" Cas yelled, but stopped mid sentence to adjust his line of sight from where Dean usually stood, to the floor.

"Did you just soil yourself?! I'm sorry I didn't mean to knock you over!"

Dean pulled himself up to sitting and beheld the thinning peanut butter under the water's spray as it headed towards the shower drain.

"Yeah Cas. I'm shitting name brand chunky style out my ass…..no I'm not crapping myself!!! Was gonna use the peanut butter to get the oil out cause all it was doing was spreading."

Fuck that A03 hellsite for this.

Cas helped him up and allowed him to wash the small amount of peanut butter remaining on his wing.

"Sorry about the oil Cas, I didn't know it would freak you out so much."

"I'm sorry for my reaction. Or overreaction. I've never had anything on my wings and was unprepared for how unsettlingly it would feel. Are you hurt?" Cas wanted to know.

Upon further inspection, Dean felt fortunate that only a few small pieces had pierced his skin, the rest had just scratched him pretty good. He turned when Cas had gotten them all out and kissed him. His hand made its way down to his angel's dick, as it often did when kissing him, and started a slow but steady rhythm. Cas had proved a fan of damn near every kind of physical affection which pleased Dean to no end. He was a sucker for touch himself and couldn't get enough of the sexually intense variety just as much as the soft, quiet gestures lovers exchange both in and out of the public eye.

Once in a while Dean would leave Cas's cock to cup and massage the boys, as they deserved some love too. Yet he always returned to pumping his angel's hard length for an epic finish. Their tongues were swirling in a dance and their lips brushed and bumped in rhythm with Dean's hand. At some point, Cas's need always took over and he pistoned his hips, snapping them forward into the channel of Dean's hand. Quick, desperate moans tumbled from his lips which remained pressed against Dean's whenever he was close to that blessed release.

"That's it angel, you're so close. Let yourself fall and I'll catch you," Dean lovingly encouraged.

Cas's balls tightened as did the rest of his muscles and Dean felt the heated jets of come spurting from his swollen head spilling down his hand and murmured only the most private endearments into his mouth as he continued milking him through his aftershocks.

Still kissing minutes later, Dean painted swirling circles against his angel's beautifully chiseled abdominal muscles, reveling even in the privilege of bringing Cas down from his sexually driven adrenaline high.

"I appreciate your willingness to try something new, even though it failed spectacularly," Cas thanked, holding Dean close as they enjoyed the last bit of hot water.

"I like trying new things, even though we sure as hell haven't gone stale. But if there's something you're curious about, just ask and I promise to keep an open mind."

"Can we try the wing massage again, without anything else?"

"I'm game, seemed like you were pretty into it."

"Thank you, Dean. As always, being with you is adventure."

Dean didn't always enjoy the adventures life had thrown at him, but with Cas, Sam, and Eileen around, he gladly took the string free ups and downs in stride.


End file.
